Unlike most illnesses i know, this one is getting worse and that is what the doctor said would happen but still it makes me feel icky. A couple things have happened that made me feel like BAD MOM. This specific emotion of BAD MOM is coming from the lack of control. Case #1 I took Rosie to the dr.'s for something else and good thing cause she had woken up that morning with croup. I feel bad taking rosie places when she's sick, she's so miserable. so when we get there, we only sat in the waiting room a few minutes and sailed smoothly into the dr.'s office (exam room? what do you call that room?). and there we sat for 1 1/2 hours. did you read that? ONE AND A HALF HOURS! and in my arms sat a sad, crying, little girl, saying "home" "daddy" "bye bye" "night night" now she knows that the dr.'s usually give shots and so part of it was just being scared but that doesnt matter, she was sick and miserable. all my instincts said, "take your child home and put her to bed" but i couldnt because i hadnt seen the dr. i kept getting hotter and hotter and thought it was the room but no, it was ANGER! i couldnt control it, i couldnt shout to the dr. "get in here already!" i was at the mercy and my child was affected by it and i had to just sit there, feeling like BAD MOM.
Case #2 adam had his race today. (he did so good, coming in 2nd place with his partner justin.) the race took place 45 minutes away and i felt bad about taking rosie but she was feeling miserable at home anyways. so we left when we thought adam would be finishing. we got there about an hour early. normally this would be fine, the weather is nice and there even was a playground but rosie is sick. and im stressing, that instinct again, "take your child home!" but i really wanted to see adam cross the finish line, he had worked so hard for this race. and so here i was again, at the mercy of something else and my child is suffering because of it. BAD MOM. the way she looked before we finally got her to sleep tonight was HORRIBLE. ive never seen her like that before. could it have been different had i not been BAD MOM?
when i cant control a situation and it affects my child, i feel like i could go ape. do you get like that?
5 comments:
I'm so sorry that you're sweet Rosie is so sick. You are not a bad mom! You're doing a great job and although it seems bad right now Rosie won't remember it so she can't blame you for it later ;) I'm praying for you guys. Love you!
Enough with the bad mom already! This is your mother speaking......motherhood gives you endless opportunities to feel guilty, but that doesn't mean you have to take advantage of all of them. Rosie couldn't have a better mom (or a better dad). She's in good hands with you both. Love,Mom
The fresh air probably made her feel better!! I know I feel a little better if I get out and move around even when Im feeling horrible. -mom to be Kelsie
let me echo the comments. i'm sorry that rosie is so sick and pray now that she's better today. poor thing. you will need a vacation to australia after this :)
Amy (& Adam),
You two make such great parents and like our mom said, Rosie is lucky to have you two.
Amy, I truly understand being torn between two different actions for how to care for Rosie and choosing what option to take can be a very tough choice. Seems like you made the right decisions here by following your heart.
Love
Mike
Big bro
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